you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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