lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
