You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
