he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
