if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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