She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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