my vag is so smooth its legendary
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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