giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
