??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
