You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
