Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
