Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
