stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
