what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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