you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
