I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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