that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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