alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My vagina just recognized that song.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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