The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We have started to decorate penises.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
