wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
