Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
