i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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