So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
