I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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