you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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