I think my vagina is haunted
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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