You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
