It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
