I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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