I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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