We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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