Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
