i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
