remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
