It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
