I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
