He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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