no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
can u get pink eye on your cock?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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