My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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