guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
