the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
