Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
