Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
