I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
