i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
