Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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