dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
