You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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