You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
