I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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