My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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