wanna go halves on a baby?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
