i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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