Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
