the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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