Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My vagina is officially offended.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
