i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
