Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
