Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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