We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
