He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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