I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I love having hate sex.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
