I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
