Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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