3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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