he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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