sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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