I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
