Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
