for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
