I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
