They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
