i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
