How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
