for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
