Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
