Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
