just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
